It was my birthday recently. (17 February)
And it heralded the end of a whole series of transits and progressions involving Saturn, as well as an eleven-year Saturn Firdaria period.
First comment? Phew. I made it through, haha!
But my second comment? I'm feeling like the children at the end of movie, Nanny McPhee.
Let me tell you why . . .
Working with Life's Storms
Gotta say, Saturn has been harsh AF at times.
There were moments when I completely railed against the Heavens - complaining, reasoning, bargaining, screaming, and demanding, "OMG!! What do you want from me??? I've done everything you've asked! What more can I do???? Seriously, the f*ck?????"
Yeah. There's been a lot of swearing over the years. It hasn't always been pretty. 😂😆🤣
But . . .
As stressful and as difficult as it has been at times, with my hand on my heart I can say that I'm immensely grateful for all of Saturn's lessons. And I'm grateful for His willingness to wrestle with me . . . to shape me, to mould me. To help me learn how to do the #adulting thing!
At the end of the day, no matter how heart-breaking, bleak, or severe Life can seem, I wholeheartedly believe that everything serves my Soul's highest evolutionary purpose. As I've often said, nothing is random.
When I was much younger, I read this quote from Swami B R Sridhar, "Whatever happens to me is for my ultimate good. The highest court is not vindictive."
It deeply resonated with my own concept of our relationship with the Divine, and so it really landed! This quote stuck in my mind, and it has been part of my guiding light ever since. It informs how I teach, too.
And so, I engage! Come what may!
And honestly? I'm grateful for the storms and the challenges.
Far from battening down the hatches and hiding under my bed, waiting out the proverbial storm . . . I step into it. Because this is how I grow.
Yes, even when I'm shaking my fist and railing against the Heavens.
And even when I'm cursing so badly it'd make a sailor blush.
I encourage you to engage your own storms.
For surely, it'd be worse if the storms never came??
Posts from in the thick of it
I thought I'd share a couple of my posts from 2018 when I was already well in the thick of it. By this point, I was living in my car, following heavy Saturn transits to my Moon/Pluto/Jupiter T-Square. He was nowhere near done, though! Heck, it's only just beginning to calm now, five years later. (He's just finished traversing my Sun and Mercury at 27° Aquarius.)
(Sorry for the astro-jargon, if these are foreign words or concepts for you. The astrologers amongst us will understand the gravity of the transits, though. 😜)
A few months later, though, my patience was apparently wearing a little thin . . . It's really interesting, looking back on these old posts.
My engagement with Saturn has been pretty non-stop for over a decade. But what began as a fierce wrestling match has mellowed into a constructive conversation with a mentor.
From this point in time, I look back on my earlier life and shake my head at who I used to be. Such a flighty flibbertygibbet compared to who I am, now. OMG. Thank you, Saturn. 🪐🙏 I'm so tremendously grateful for who I've become under your harrowing, wracking tutelage.
Thank you for believing I could be taught . . . and for not just leaving me on the couch eating bonbons (which in my mind is code for, "Nah, she can't be taught. Best we just leave her to it.")
The willingness to wrestle with the Divine
This willingness to wrestle with the Divine always reminds me of one of my favourite poems by Rainer Maria Rilke, The Man Watching.
The Man Watching
(Translated by Robert Bly)
I can tell by the way the trees beat, after
so many dull days, on my worried windowpanes
that a storm is coming,
and I hear the far-off fields say things
I can't bear without a friend,
I can't love without a sister.
The storm, the shifter of shapes, drives on
across the woods and across time,
and the world looks as if it had no age:
the landscape, like a line in the psalm book,
is seriousness and weight and eternity.
What we choose to fight is so tiny!
What fights with us is so great.
If only we would let ourselves be dominated
as things do by some immense storm,
we would become strong too, and not need names.
When we win it's with small things,
and the triumph itself makes us small.
What is extraordinary and eternal
does not want to be bent by us.
I mean the Angel who appeared
to the wrestlers of the Old Testament:
when the wrestlers' sinews
grew long like metal strings,
he felt them under his fingers
like chords of deep music.
Whoever was beaten by this Angel
(who often simply declined the fight)
went away proud and strengthened
and great from that harsh hand,
that kneaded him as if to change his shape.
Winning does not tempt that man.
This is how he grows: by being defeated, decisively,
by constantly greater beings.
Oh, I love this poem! It gives me chills . . . .
And having wrestled Saturn - whose harsh hands have been kneading me as if to change my shape - for the past decade or so, I have to say that now He is finally moving on, I'm feeling rather sad.
More than sad, I cried (a lot!) when I realised He was finally done with me!
I'd gotten really used to His company, guiding and urging me forward. And I'd come to relish the wrestling! Fair to say, I appreciate who I've become under His heavy hand.
I really don't want Him to go.
And I say that, knowing full well that at the very beginning of these transits I found His demands and His tough approach to be exceedingly challenging!
(Understatement, much??!!)
It reminds me of Nanny McPhee, really.
Do you remember how Nanny McPhee works?
As she explains to the children in her care:
"When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay.
When you want me, but no longer need me, then I have to go.
It's rather sad really, but there it is."
And when one of the children says, "We will never want you," she replies:
"Then I will never go."
Oof!
This is how I imagine our transits, both astrological and numerological.
I believe they last just as long as we need them to.
Our Soul knows how long we'll need to be put through our paces, so to speak. One month? Two years? A whole nine-year epicycle? A 35-year 1st Pinnacle?? Life knows that we'll begin by railing against the transit - cursing, and stumbling, and feeling distressed by its demands and approach.
And so, like the caring and patient Nanny McPhee, it must stay.
But, in time, we are shaped by Life's seemingly harsh hand (as in the poem by Rainer Maria Rilke). We grow in skill and confidence. We come to embody the might and wisdom that Life was trying to impart to us. We come into right relationship with the archetype that has been wrestling with us. And then we find ourselves relishing their guidance . . . and resisting their departure. We want them to stay.
Like now.
I want Saturn, but no longer need Him. And so, just like Nanny McPhee, He must go.
It's rather sad really, but there it is.
Life's Storms and Mack Trucks
I hope this helps you to reframe the storms and Mack Trucks that Life sends your way?
Life isn't being vindictive. It isn't lobbing grenades into your living room, and then sitting back with popcorn, watching you crumble. Instead, it's providing precise, tailor-made experiences to support your Soul's growth . . . the very lessons you said you wanted, before you incarnated (as difficult as that can be to hear, perhaps). I hear you. It's a complicated subject.
The blessing of numerology and astrology, of course, is that we get to see which archetype is "causing" the trouble (note the inverted commas). And that allows us to understand what is being asked of us. How are we being asked to grow? What are we being asked to learn? To come into right relationship with? To release?
(Some of my clients affectionately call our transit sessions the WTF is going on?? sessions. Makes me laugh! But it's a perfect name, don't you think??)
What can seem unbearable and impossible at the beginning, ultimately becomes our greatest teacher and ally. Life doesn't get any easier. We simply get stronger.
We learn to adjust our stance.
We learn to take the punches.
We grow.
We heal.
We transform.
And our Soul delights in our evolutionary progress.
If you have any queries or lightbulb moments that you'd like to share, please reach out. I always love hearing from you! And if this has been helpful, please feel free to share it with your circle.
As always, thank you so much for journeying with me on this Path. I appreciate your company. Deepest blessings, beautiful people.
Peace
Juliette xo
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